[MUSIC] Before I offer feedback, let's do a quick recap on paragraphing. Paragraphs typically start with the topic sentence. That is a sentence that states the key idea expressed in the paragraph. While this is common practice, some writers might introduce their topic sentence in the second or even third sentence. This said, generally each paragraph would express a single idea, and elaborate on it. The paragraph would therefore contain a topic sentence, some explanation or elaboration, and at times, examples and evidence from other scholarly work. This evidence could come from scholars who share similar, or opposing views to those expressed in the paragraph. If they share opposing views, these would need to be countered to strengthen your case. Now let's look at our three student writer's paragraphs and see what they have to say. Let's consider Ada's paragraph, Ada writes in a story-like or narrative style, giving us an account of her experiences as a child growing up with a German father and a Kenyan mother. She uses these personal narratives to support her ideas on border crossing rather than make reference to the readings. Ideally, it would be a good idea to combine the personal narratives with the readings, so as to ensure that the essay meets the university requirements. In the first paragraph, the topic sentence emerges towards the end of the paragraph where she says. >> As a married couple, my parents had crossed a racial border and I bore the brunt of that racial crossing as a child. >> We can assume that this is the topic sentence, because it seems to capture the key idea expressed by the paragraph, which is that crossing racial boarders has consequences. As mentioned earlier, topic sentences are usually at the start of the paragraph, but it's not uncommon to find them featuring much later. When this happens, it may take time for the reader to identify what is the main idea as in the case of this particular paragraph. The second paragraph details the consequences of this racial crossing into her adulthood. The flow or coherence of her writing could be improved if Ada had linked this paragraph to the previous one by using a linking word like therefore. The word therefore is used in instances when we are drawing a conclusion from a set of ideas. So the end of Ada's first paragraph reads. >> I had to learn how to fit in, how to compromise on things I held dear to me, in order to survive and succeed. >> If we start the second paragraph with, therefore, as a linking word, it would read as follows. Therefore, it has not been an easy journey for me. And now that I'm also a mother, I want to make sure that my child is spared from some of the trauma that I underwent. We can see that there's a much stronger connection between the two paragraphs now. We have placed examples of these linking words as a resource. So remember to make use of these words in your essay, it will improve the flow of your writing, making it easier to understand. Linking words also show readers that writing is not linear. It forces readers to go back, and reread, and reflect on some of the issues that writers have discussed earlier in their essays. Ada's third paragraph focuses on what the essay will discuss. Now surely, this would need to feature much earlier, and be shifted into the introduction. It reads as follows. >> In this essay, I wish to show that identity is not static. It does not remain the same when it crosses from one space into another space. >> The fourth paragraph reads as a topic sentence about the consequences of border crossing on identity. The statement will need to be further explained with examples and evidence. Furthermore, in order to make the paragraphs more cohesive, or stick together, Ada would need to use some linking words, such as furthermore, or in addition, or however as cohesive devices. So Ada is on the right track, because the ideas are taking shape. But she would need to concentrate more on achieving coherence, by reordering some of her paragraphs. And cohesion by adding linking words at the outset of some the paragraphs to create links with previous paragraphs. [MUSIC]