I want to think about trust in negotiations. Trust makes every interaction easier. When we trust what somebody says, we trust what they're going to do, when they trust us, it smooths every interaction. It's like easing into something where we know that if we have trust, we're willing to forgive things, we're willing to be vulnerable to other people, and I want to think about the trust that we have in people, in organizations and in institutions. You might trust another person. We spend time together, we go out for meals, we go to sporting events, we go on a trip together. We do things that are going to build trust in a person. We can also do things where we have trust in organization. I trust this company, I trust IBM to do the right thing, or we can trust institutions like the court system. Some of these are substitutes, maybe I don't know this person very well, but I trust the company that they're coming from. Or maybe I don't trust this person very well, but we've signed a binding document and I trust the court system to enforce it, and because I can trust institutions, it facilitates and eases the whole interaction. I can fly to Dallas, sign a document, and fly back that next day without doing a lot of rapport building and relationship building. But you can imagine in some countries where the court system is backlogged or not as effective, their trusting the people, trusting the organizations could be extremely important. There maybe we need to spend a lot of time building that relationship. We want to think about trust, and the key idea is that with trust, we can reach agreements that we just simply couldn't without it. Now, negotiators are more likely to reveal information to people they trust, it reduces the friction, it reduces the need for lawyers and complete contracts and really makes us more likely to reach an agreement. There are huge benefits to being a trusted person in a negotiation, and the question I want to ask is, how can we project trust? There are three key ideas for projecting trust. The first is projecting our ability. Do we have the competence to fulfill something? Can we do it? If we have credentials, if we have experience, if we have referenced clients, if we can demonstrate competence, we're going to project ability. High ability is the first key idea for projecting trust. Can we do it? The second is projecting benevolence. Are we kind, caring, are we warm? Projecting benevolence that I really care about you, I'm concerned about your interests. Demonstrating that authentically demonstrates benevolence. The third key idea is integrity. Am I the person that follows the rules? Am I honest and moral, demonstrating a commitment to morality is the third pillar that's going to protect trust. Ability, benevolence, and integrity. We want to figure out how we can do that. Here's some practical steps for demonstrating benevolence. We're asking questions about other people, we're demonstrating a focus on other people, we're praising others for what they've done, we're noticing them, we're building rapport, we're apologizing quickly and sincerely when we fall short, we're demonstrating remorse when things aren't going well, we're signaling equality. At the table, we sit on the same chairs, or we show up on time, demonstrating that I value your time as much as my time. We want to signal that we care about this equal partnership that we have with others. We could also signal benevolence by demonstrating concern for family or community with people volunteer, they talk about their pets, we're demonstrating warmth. Other ideas for building trust, and here is a key idea that is, when we trust others we're willing to be vulnerable but there's a bidirectionality to this vulnerability. When we reveal a weakness, we're vulnerable to others, we're likely to build trust. I might reveal a secret. Now, it should be non core, that is, it shouldn't be a secret about how I harmed somebody else, but some other secret like, oh yeah, my favorite desert is something that I eat too much of. But we can think about a weakness or when people go drinking together. When people go drinking together, they're making themselves vulnerable, that is we're letting our guard down, or we're singing off key karaoke, the worse the better. Here I'm embarrassing myself in some safe way that makes me vulnerable, or in negotiation we reveal some information. Here are all practical steps that make me vulnerable, but also help me build this warmth, this benevolence, this relationship. What I think about there's a formal contract, we can see that we can read it. There's also what psychologists call a psychological contract. That is where we have expectations that aren't written down. At work, it's not in our contract that we keep our feet off the table or we don't yell at people as we walk in, that's part of the psychological contract, there are expectations there. In all of our relationships, we have a psychological contract. The problem is it's not written down, so we're likely to violate it. That is we want to think carefully about what people's expectations are, and we're not sure we might ask or be sensitive, because we violate people's expectations, we violate the psychological contract, we can lose trust. We want to demonstrate concern, we want to be reliable, we want to make sure our deeds match our words. If we say something, even if somebody isn't holding us to it, we demonstrate a concern for following through. In those ways we can build trust, and trust is this essential ingredient for helping us build relationships and really facilitate every transaction that we might have. We have trust in people, in organizations and institutions and we want to think about the ability, benevolence, and integrity that we project to others.
