If you think about the dashboard of an airplane,
is there one number that tells you how an airplane is doing?
Well, it turns out there isn't.
There are a whole bunch of gauges, and depending on the mission of the airplane,
you pay more attention to one gauge than another.
So if you're trying to fly from Chicago to New York
as quickly as possible, then the speedometer is what matters.
If you're trying to get there as comfortably as possible,
then the radar is what matters.
If you're trying to get there as economically as possible,
then it's the gas gauge that matters.
No one number describes how an airplane is doing, it depends on the mission.
Human well-being is even more complicated than that.
So if you value positive emotion
more than relationships, more than achievements,
then positive emotion is the gauge you're going to pay attention to,
but if what Ben values is good relationships,
then that's going to be the gauge he pays attention to.
So it's very important to understand, as a therapist, as a parent,
as a friend, that you're not there to change people's values,
you're there to find out what they value and to help them maximize what they value.