[MUSIC] Lets say that you're in a meeting, or somebody comes to see you specifically, and you know in advance. That moment at which you know that you're being presented with a complaint. And you've established that actually you're being consulted in as your role as an authority figure, and some action is expected from you. There are some guidelines to follow, and here are the first five. The very first guideline is, don't take it personally. All right, well if somebody comes to you and says that your stupid decisions have destroyed the entire integrity and history, and culture of the entire company, and you're the worst thing that's ever happened. You're going to take it personally because it will feel and be personal. So really, if you have to interpret this guideline as, don't let it show that you take it personally. Put yourself as much as you can in your role. You are being addressed in your role as the authority figure. And it is the role that is being addressed. So, you may want to go home at the end of the day and kick the garage. Just don't let it show at work because you're the professional. You're in your professional persona and it will effect your brand. So don't let it show that you take it personally, if you do. Rule number two, never act on only one side of the story. You will never make a bigger mistake in your entire career, than if you act on only one side of the story that is presented to you. There is nothing more compelling than a seamless narrative that takes all the facts, and people's motives and intentions, and ties them up in a beautiful, tight little story. He did this. He did it because he's a horrible person. He's evil. He was doing this and here is the effect, and you need to do something about it. The problem is that reality is a lot grayer and more nuanced than the seamless narratives might present. Because very few things are really cut and dried in this world. So, bare in mind as you're hearing something, however much you think, that's outrageous. I should do something about that. Set a little marker in your head that there's probably some more facts that you need, and that's where guideline number three comes in. Which is that nobody knows what everybody knows. So if part of your seamless narrative being presented to you in this story about this outrageous situation, you should correct right away is that everybody knows so and so is doing such and such. That's your cue to say, well, could you tell me the names of some of those who know about this and who was present, and what time it happened, and where it was? This is the time and place to tie down some really pretty serious details. Because nobody knows what everybody knows. Very often, it turns out that something everybody knows, if you try to trace it back, it's a lot like a game of telephone. Sue told Bob who told Ellen, who told Rapali, who told hello, Sue. [LAUGH] And it all traced that circle around them. So, be cautious when somebody says, everybody knows X, Y or Z. Little red flags should go off in your head, and you should seek details. The fourth guideline is about you and things that you are going to do in this meeting. The fourth guideline is when in doubt, leave it out. This is for you to self edit. This is when you begin a sentence like this, well, I know I shouldn't say this, [SOUND] don't say it. Well, my opinion, [SOUND] wow, that sounds terrible, we should really do, [SOUND] just don't say it. When in doubt, leave it out. In this setting, when someone is bringing you information about a problem or a perceived problem, or a potential problem. Your role is to accept information that you will later verify and act upon. Or seek information before you decide what you're going to do. Don't make commitments, don't comment, don't opine. Don't add color commentary. Ugh, he's always doing terrible things like that. Things that you say in this setting when people are already in a very exercised emotional state, which they often are when they bring a complaint. They will misread and take out of context anything you say. Say as little as possible other than eliciting information. Remember when we talked about having good boundaries? This is a key place to remember your boundaries and use them. The fifth guideline is, one that you've heard me talked about before. Which is that as you're hearing this seamless narrative that tells you how horrible this is, and how bad everybody. How poorly everybody acted in their bad motives. Never attributes to malice that which incompetence will explain or any of the corollaries. So, take in what you're being told, and before you draw conclusions based on this one side of the story, that everybody knows is a problem. Bear in mind that you're going to go out and seek information. Because your job, you're hearing one version. And after this intake meeting, you're then going to go and collect other information. Before you formulate a reasoned, considered, principled decision and take actions. So, those are the first five guidelines. Bear those in mind. And in the next segment, we'll talk about the next five. [MUSIC] [SOUND]
